Experience of my own existence

I want to start my blog with my own experience.Who am I?? It was a big question for me until I found my own existence. I used to introduce myself according to my profession,the profession which helps me to earn money for survival. But actually who am I ???

As a kid, I was a silent kid. I loved day dreaming. I used to be in different world, I had imaginary people, imaginary best friend in that world with whom I can share  everything, I used to write poems,  journals about my feelings . But I used to worry, what will I dream of when my dreams will come true, then what will be the next thing to dream. I had no answer.My heart used to sink for no reason. I never understood what is this feeling until that happened.

After I finished my study, I started my job, I used to give my all energy to my job. I started living a mechanical life . I wanted a great career, better salary, better position, better status in the society...etc. My family was proud of me. Infact I was proud of myself.
I stopped dreaming, I started living those dreams in real.I have everything what I wanted with my own ability. But was I happy?? No.. something was missing..I was frustrated, I was just doing my job and nothing else. I felt like I have no time for anything. I did not know what am I doing and for whom am I doing. I started getting health issues like Migrane , gastric issues for my unhealthy lifestyle, Seeing my mental condition and symtopms I knew I was going in to depression. Even I thought of going for medical assistance for depression. I slowly started thinking about my death because I stopped seeing the value of my life. I started feeling that life is nothing but just a burden. I lost all hopes.I had / have a Perfact life according to the society. But there is  something not right.

We generally do not realize that we are missing something.Even I did not know that I was missing from my own life.  By the time I have grown I forgot who was I, What was that thing which I loved to do without any effort. We always try to become the one what society wants us to become. And everyone has there own opinions, so we get lost in what we suppose to be.

Then my life fallen apart when my dad was seriously ill. I almost thought that I am gonna loose him. My parents are my last hope of my life. I was mentally broken and was ready to take any risk to make him well.Then the magic happened. That imaginary best friend appeared infront of me with all kind of support. The support was not physical support, but it supported my soul. Nobody could see it except me.  My concept of whole life changed. I almost forgot about that imaginary person. Because when I have grown up I was convinced that those were only dreams, not the truth. And when I remembered and recognised that it is not a dream, I remembered and recollected all my abilities, I started remembering how I lost all my abilities by not giving importance to them , I was living a life what society wants. Suddenly I found myself.My whole world become complete. I understood who I am and what is the meaning of my life, what I can contribute to this world.

Those days were my toughest  days of my life but at the same time I felt myself as the strongest one. I experienced the deep sadness and unconditional love of the people around me . Miracle was happening all around. No one could see those, but I could see. I was feeling horrible at the same time I was feeling fantastic. I am crying , at the same time I was smiling. The answers of those questions which no one could give me , came to my mind by itself. And some how I knew that those were correct. I had no control on it. I felt like I am going crazy. It was like an roller coaster ride. I spend one week sleep less night and only kept on writing about those solutions /answers .I was so complete that no achievement in my life is bigger than this experience. I never wanted to loose it because it solves all mystery of life.Every day was a learning with different lessons of life.
I consider myself as a very lucky person to have this experience, because after that my life is completely changed. I am no longer depressed. My life is no longer burden to me.
During those times I asked that unknown power(god, universe, source whatever we want to call), how to hold on to this beautiful journey of learning and self growth ..and the answer was- hold the hand of love. It will show you the way.

Things are beautiful now. My dad is safe and healthy. The learning process is still on. What I understood from this whole experience is we all have the potential to understand this unconditional love towards every living and non living being around us.Unknowingly we all love each other because our basic characteristics is to love each other. But ego , anger , jealousy, fear, stops us from experiencing this beautiful feeling of love.

I wish everyone to feel this beautiful experience of love and self growth. It will happen, if we all hold the hand of love .Let's love every one and everything, Let's understand each other, Let us not to get dominated by anger, jealousy, fear.Let the flower of love bloom on this earth.